I wake up. No one is home. The silence is fragile. I get out of bed and walk toward the living room. It's dim and full of emptiness. Looking around, I never notice how my pictures of me were put around the room. There's a picture of when I was a baby in my crib. Another picture of my 8th grade banquet in my black dress with a pink flower on my chest. I see the most recent one, graduation. I'm smiling happily, neck hidden behind dozen and dozen of flower and candy leis. The stadium behind me lit up. People in the background hugging and laughing. When did I take this?
I look outside realizing what a beautiful day it was. I walk out my front door with the sun's rays blinding the exit. Walking down the street, I see my old friends near the playground at Geiger park. I remember running around that playground with my friends, chasing each other in a game of tag. Beside the playground on the grassy field, the guys and I would play touch football. We'd also have picnics full of egg sandwiches, chocolate cake, and candy. Now as I pass by, my friends are smoking weed and standing as if they were waiting for someone.
The next thing I knew, I was at the Ewa beach shopping center passing by the Ewa Seed Company. There was the shave ice man sweeping the front of his store. I remember the days my sister, my neighbor Jan, and I would go to Ewa Seed every day after school. I would always order the same thing -- small bubblegum shave ice. The shave ice man would see us coming and without us telling him what we wanted, he'd have already started with our order. He'd usually have his children and his wife helping him in the store. Today he was by himself.
Before I knew it, I was at Campbell High School. I sat down under the light pole where my friends and I hung during lunch. It's located at the corner of D building under a tree. Many things happened in that corner of D building. Many kodak moments that always made it's way onto mypace or youtube. Moments of arguments or make ups. Moments of gayness, a lot of it. Moments tension and explosion. Moments of joy and fun. Now that light pole full of graffitti and the tree stripped from it's leaves.
I stood up and made my way to the Church, Our Lady of Perpetual Help. I made so many great friends here and had so many life changing experiences. Here is where I learned the "Our Father" at sunday school. Here is where I began lifeteen. Here is where I met my sponsor. Here is where I danced for the Christmas Musical. Here is where I first recieved reconciliation. Here is where I fell in love with God.
Now there were many cars filled outside of it. A bell was ringing from inside. Was there mass? I walk inside. There were no ushers who would usually be greeting anyone who walked in. Instead everyone was sitting. I walk down the middle isle. No one seemed to notice me enter. Everyone had a unhappy facial expression. There were paleness and tears. I see my friends sitting in the front, the seats they'd usually sit during mass. All of them were there, even the ones who don't even go to chruch. Many times I've tried to concince them to come. What is so important that they are here now? A bigger shocker, I see my parents. My dad who has never set foot in a church since my baptism and my mom who last came because she needed to for my confirmation.
And then I realized, this wasn't mass. Every face in the crowd was someone I knew and loved. The guys I call my older brothers. All in college now and I barely get to see them were in the back of the church. None of them looked drunk or high as I would usually see them. The other crew of friends, known to be kick ass. Many of who I never would see at church. All together in the front. These guys were always close no matter what. Now they seem to be closer than ever, shoulders sqeezing against one another. Then I spot the girls. All pretty with their dresses, make up and fake eye lashes. Though always joyful and spontageous, today their faces seem to be sucked from happiness. Scattered I see my family, many of whom are buddhist.
Still I'm wondering what is so important that my family and friends had to gather? And still no one has realized that I am there. I look toward the alter. It was replaced with a long, white, wooden box in the shape of a casket. I slowly walk toward it. I feel no beating in my heart, no rushing of blood in my vains. The walk down that isle seemed to get longer and further. I reach it and look over into the casket. It was me. I was lying in the casket, my face a pale white, resting peacefully. What have I done to deserve this? Was I even ready to die?
In the corner of my eyes I see a flash of light. I turn around and see Jesus nailed to the cross, floating in mid air. The crowd of people disappeared. It was just me and Him. What has he done to deserve this? Was He ready to die? This isn't a dream or what not. I just made it up. But thinking about death, am I ready to die? If God took me right now, would I go to heaven? What have I done to deserve a death that will lead me to heaven? Honestly, No I'm not ready. And Honestly, I do not know what I have done to be welcomed into heaven. Which honestly means I'm not doing what God intends me to do, to be.
Jesus will die on the cross this coming friday and he's doing it for us. How are we going to thank him?
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
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OMGSH! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this one!!!
ReplyDeleteYour blogs are so inspiring!