Day 20

Left the retreat, entered the real world. The past 4 retreats that I've been to has been an alarm clock that I keep putting on snooze. It's only this retreat that I finally woke up and started my day, or in this case, my life.

Before I go on about the retreat I would like to mention that junior and I are OFFICIAL. Yeah, he asked me out early this morning. Like 12 something in the morning. Caught me off guard. Before he said goodbye to me, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I wanted to slap his face. Haha. Slap of joy kind of thing. March 16, 2009. I really like this day. I never realize, and junior never realize too until later, that march 16 put in numbers is 03-16 as in john 3:16. Though junior and I are each other's own distractions, it's like God was reminding us that He should be the center of our relationship. And so He is, He will always be.

So I had many close moments in this retreat. But before I mention some I want to explain my feelings towards this retreat. This retreat wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. I had that feeling like I've been to so many retreats already that it didn't really phase me. Haha. I bet I wasn't the only one who felt this way. I know some people who has been to more than 5 retreats! Haha. I've been to 3 lifeteen retreats and though it's all the same in some way, I never get tired of it. The fact that I know what we will be doing at the retreats gets me excited to do the next session. Though it wasn't what I expected, I enjoyed seeing the first timers cry and feel the Holy spirit overcome them!

So one close moment that I am open to say but didn't get the chance to say yesterday was reconciliation. Though I didn't get the chance to do confessions, I got to talk with other people who also wasn't able to recieve communion and Mrs. Barangan. We had to check off some of our sins on a list of the commandments. I was pretty disappointed cause I committed every sin on the paper, since I didn't ever go confession. But don't worry! I get to this month. [: anyways, I stop looking at my paper full of sins and I put my pencil down. I look down at my pencil and staring right at me on the pencil was the name William. (btw, Junior's real name is William. Haha) I usually understand when God sends me messages like these, but I didn't get this one. I believed that it was satan tryna mess with me, tryna move my thoughts away from God. Then I thought about it. God was tryna move my thoughts else where. God wanted me to focus on Him, not junior. It was a test to see if I could block out every distraction (in this case it was junior) so I can concentrate on my relationship with God.

I am a sinner, though I was made in God's image. Like my song playing on my blog right now, "My heart's one desire is to be Holy." So why don't I trust God? And like I said in my close moment testimony, if you trust someone then you love them too. You cannot love someone and not be able to trust them. Also you cannot trust someone but not be able to love them. God needed to get my attention with that pencil. He tests the most faithful. He gave me a test to see if I truely wanted to be Holy. If I truely trusted him enough to let go of my distractions (just for now, not forever) so that I can bring him back into my life.

So after pondering over why I had my boyfriend's name on this pencil, I turned it over so that the name was facing away from me. I prayed to God telling him I was all his. Do what you need to with me. Say what you wanna say. This weekend is for you.

He told me a lot of things this weekend. He showed me a lot of signs. He made me realize that I needed to keep God in the middle of my relationship with my boyfriend. It's not a couple, its a threesome with God. A triangle, not a straight line.

Day 20: "For God so loved the world that he gave up is one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." - John 3:16